Does your housemate start his sentences with, "It'd be REALLY great if you could just go ahead and..."? Have you ever arrived home to be greeted by several "friendly" post-it reminders of what ISN'T yours in the fridge? Revel in the knowledge that yours is not the only crazy roommate in the world at: www.passiveaggressivenotes.com!
Goodlife, and Good Luck.
This past Friday, Goodlife Fitness opened the doors of its newest branch in Liberty Village. As an enthusiastic new member, I thought I'd take you though the inaugural week of my new fitness regime:
Friday, September 21: Opening Day! Come to work armed with fortitude and motivation. Have forgotten sneakers. Vow to make up for it tomorrow.
Saturday, September 22: Hungover. Vow to make up for it tomorrow.
Sunday, September 23: See Saturday.
Monday, September 24: Rejoice! Have come to work armed with fortitude, motivation, and appropriate gym attire! Whoops, have forgotten lock. Almost abort mission before realizing that credit card is maxed out and it is unlikely anyone wishes to steal purse full of gum wrappers, receipts, and old bank statements.
Glance around change room. Experience shock at the evidence of a strict dress code. Feel uneasy surrounded by gym-goers adorned in the flattering sheen of black Nike sports bra-tops and stretchy cropped pants. Regret own wardrobe selection of Diadora soccer shorts and No Fear t-shirt from 1997.
Find treadmill. Minutes 1-10 of 30 minute workout spent flipping through channels on television. Bliss! A repeat episode of The Hills Aftershow! Glance over at perfectly coiffed, tan/toned immaculately dressed blonde beside me. Secretly nickname her "Lulu" for obvious reasons. Spot my own red faced/frizzy-haired refelction in the mirror. Am filled with self-loathing. Sneak a peek at Lulu's running speed: 6.0 at a 2.0 incline. Triumphantly speed up own treadmill to 6.5 at a 3.0 incline. Die.
Dismount treadmill. Head onward and upward to muscle firming/toning! Carefully observe circuit-training section of gym. Immediately coin new term:
Perspirritation: The annoyance experienced when sweaty people neglect to wipe their gross sweat residue off the machines. Opt instead to head back into ladies change room to re-coiff frizzy ponytail. Will resume intense fat-melting workout post-coiff. Smoothen ponytail. Conclude that there are no good songs left on iPod. Will purchase new music and make up for lost time tomorrow. Change. Exit gym.
Tuesday, September 25: Am sore. Deserve break.*
*Break = M&Ms for lunch, fajitas & beer for dinner. Vow to make up for it tomorrow.
Week #1 Results: +1lb. They say muscle weighs more than fat!
Happy Halloween!
According to www.torontoist.com, a rabid bat has been terrorizing Toronto. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to grab my plushy bear and hide under my bed forever.
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